I just read a really good book and thought of this quick, unrhyming poem:
In shallowness, hints of something deeper
In sweetness, hints of something richer
In prettiness, hints of something beautiful
In whispers, hints of something truer
In pleasure, hints of joy
In a bud, hints of the passion of the rose
Feb 17, 2007
A rather lengthy study of boys
Most of yesterday, and most of today, in fact, for a very long time, I was surrounded by boys. They were boys of different shapes, sizes, colors and dispositions, but one fact remained in the equation: they were ALL boys! Every single one of them. And they all hate me. Now, they can't really help it, I suppose, and they put up with me a good deal. But it is rather hard for me to be surrounded by people who are so sure that you will never understand them that they never tell you anything, or who think they know exactly what you're thinking or you're like when they simply don't. Girls and boys can be easily, oh, so easily, categorized and made generic. We have many of the same tendencies as others of our gender. But we are also extremely different, and though we know that, it's often difficult to apply it.
I'm afraid I've made rather a study of the boys in my life. I want to know how their minds work, how they process things, and what they are processing (and sometimes when I've found out, I think that I would rather not have known!) I try very hard not to be generic or categorized, so that they will be able to have a sense that girls can be as wide and varied as boys. As this has not worked so far, I must assume that we are not wide and varied... so then, where are we? The thought processes are sometimes frustrating.
And from my personal experience? Well, I've found out many things about boys that I don't think I would ever have known... but now, I don't think how I could ever have lived without some of the knowledge that I now possess. In a mysterious sort of way, I see what I must have known all along: that understanding boys and girls is a journey which never ends. That, in its own way, is disappointing, for it means that one will always be doing or saying the wrong thing, for you will never truly understand the opposite gender.
And don't even get me started on feelings! This is true for most boys: showing feelings is a sign of weakness - I don't say it to be derogatory, or to suggest that they should start taking Tai Chi or anything, but simply because it is true. But there is nothing which boys shudder from so vigorously as weakness, and there is nothing that they despair of so much as the pursuit of vulnerability - which, in essence, is the key to healthy relationships. What are you left with? A race of creatures who would prefer not so much to be in relationship with one another, but to interact in such a way as to be able to leave the relationship, or interaction, perfectly unscathed. This is an instinct which is within all of us, but men have developed and have a stronger feeling of it than women.
Weakness - ah! That is a thing, which, alone, will make a boy shudder and draw the curtains. No one must have weakness, and if one has it, one must not show it. Weakness, vulnerability, will leave them literally open to attack. Boys are very war-minded! It is them against the world! Do you remember all the theories about world peace and one unified society? Let me tell you now that it was no male mind who conjured up these images. Men our the warriors of our race, the trailblazers of our people. They will stride forward not because it makes sense or because they will get something out of it, but because they need to prove their worth. Win respect.
Respect is another thing that you should never get me started on. The key word to understanding both men and boys is RESPECT. If they have that, then you have something. Do not love them, do not cherish them, but give them their respect. Do not agree with them, do not coddle them, but give them their respect! Again, I do not say this because it is a bad thing, but simply because it is true.
So where are we left? At a crossroads. We (I mean, of course, I) wish to respect the boys and be respected by them. How must I do this? By not making a fool of myself. Ever. And how does one make a fool of oneself? Display weakness. And, if I may be so daring as to ask, how does one display weakness?
Feelings.
Ah, now we have hit it! This is, indeed, the rub! In my mind, I will not have a relationship with someone until I and he or she have displayed some measure of vulnerability. Only then can we even BEGIN to know a person. However, BECAUSE BOYS DO NOT HAVE THE INTEGRAL NEED FOR MULTIPLE "MEANINGFUL" RELATIONSHIPS THAT WOMEN DO, THEY WILL NOT RISK THEIR RESPECT BY BEING VULNERABLE.
And every girl who has ever gotten frustrated trying to "get through" to a boy will know just what I am talking about.
So, class have we learned something today?
I dunno. I get the feeling that we are right back where we started, with one more layer to protect us from displaying vulnerability.
I'm afraid I've made rather a study of the boys in my life. I want to know how their minds work, how they process things, and what they are processing (and sometimes when I've found out, I think that I would rather not have known!) I try very hard not to be generic or categorized, so that they will be able to have a sense that girls can be as wide and varied as boys. As this has not worked so far, I must assume that we are not wide and varied... so then, where are we? The thought processes are sometimes frustrating.
And from my personal experience? Well, I've found out many things about boys that I don't think I would ever have known... but now, I don't think how I could ever have lived without some of the knowledge that I now possess. In a mysterious sort of way, I see what I must have known all along: that understanding boys and girls is a journey which never ends. That, in its own way, is disappointing, for it means that one will always be doing or saying the wrong thing, for you will never truly understand the opposite gender.
And don't even get me started on feelings! This is true for most boys: showing feelings is a sign of weakness - I don't say it to be derogatory, or to suggest that they should start taking Tai Chi or anything, but simply because it is true. But there is nothing which boys shudder from so vigorously as weakness, and there is nothing that they despair of so much as the pursuit of vulnerability - which, in essence, is the key to healthy relationships. What are you left with? A race of creatures who would prefer not so much to be in relationship with one another, but to interact in such a way as to be able to leave the relationship, or interaction, perfectly unscathed. This is an instinct which is within all of us, but men have developed and have a stronger feeling of it than women.
Weakness - ah! That is a thing, which, alone, will make a boy shudder and draw the curtains. No one must have weakness, and if one has it, one must not show it. Weakness, vulnerability, will leave them literally open to attack. Boys are very war-minded! It is them against the world! Do you remember all the theories about world peace and one unified society? Let me tell you now that it was no male mind who conjured up these images. Men our the warriors of our race, the trailblazers of our people. They will stride forward not because it makes sense or because they will get something out of it, but because they need to prove their worth. Win respect.
Respect is another thing that you should never get me started on. The key word to understanding both men and boys is RESPECT. If they have that, then you have something. Do not love them, do not cherish them, but give them their respect. Do not agree with them, do not coddle them, but give them their respect! Again, I do not say this because it is a bad thing, but simply because it is true.
So where are we left? At a crossroads. We (I mean, of course, I) wish to respect the boys and be respected by them. How must I do this? By not making a fool of myself. Ever. And how does one make a fool of oneself? Display weakness. And, if I may be so daring as to ask, how does one display weakness?
Feelings.
Ah, now we have hit it! This is, indeed, the rub! In my mind, I will not have a relationship with someone until I and he or she have displayed some measure of vulnerability. Only then can we even BEGIN to know a person. However, BECAUSE BOYS DO NOT HAVE THE INTEGRAL NEED FOR MULTIPLE "MEANINGFUL" RELATIONSHIPS THAT WOMEN DO, THEY WILL NOT RISK THEIR RESPECT BY BEING VULNERABLE.
And every girl who has ever gotten frustrated trying to "get through" to a boy will know just what I am talking about.
So, class have we learned something today?
I dunno. I get the feeling that we are right back where we started, with one more layer to protect us from displaying vulnerability.
Feb 14, 2007
Kiss
HE'S DONE IT! SHANA KISSED RAPIER! IT'S ALL OVER!
Oh, I'm so excited. He kisses her right there, in a dark corner... And what she says to him afterwards is so priceless that I just want to shake my own hand.
Oh, I'm so excited. He kisses her right there, in a dark corner... And what she says to him afterwards is so priceless that I just want to shake my own hand.
Update
Gangsta:
Oh, the plot gets even more devious! It's all so exciting! And though it now has a new title, I will always know it by the name Gangsta! On another note, it is still snowing! The plan was to go to a history thing at the Atwater Kent museum (oh torture in its purest form, as Pastrami would say) but fortunately, the excursion was canceled due to the snow (thank you, North Wind). At this point, I am berating myself for procrastinating. I guess I should stop, and get ON.
Oh, the plot gets even more devious! It's all so exciting! And though it now has a new title, I will always know it by the name Gangsta! On another note, it is still snowing! The plan was to go to a history thing at the Atwater Kent museum (oh torture in its purest form, as Pastrami would say) but fortunately, the excursion was canceled due to the snow (thank you, North Wind). At this point, I am berating myself for procrastinating. I guess I should stop, and get ON.
Feb 3, 2007
Weekend
Ahem:
I've
Watched two movies, The Devil Wears Prada, and Legally Blonde
Spent an evening chattering to a friend
Burned the tips of every single one of my fingers so that even now, the typing burns....
Eaten far too much ice cream
Eaten not enough popcorn because the microwave STOPPED WORKING!
Hoped and prayed that tomorrow, Superbowl Sunday, will turn out all right.
I am at babysitting, and the child is asleep, and I now go to watch a horror movie.
I've
Watched two movies, The Devil Wears Prada, and Legally Blonde
Spent an evening chattering to a friend
Burned the tips of every single one of my fingers so that even now, the typing burns....
Eaten far too much ice cream
Eaten not enough popcorn because the microwave STOPPED WORKING!
Hoped and prayed that tomorrow, Superbowl Sunday, will turn out all right.
I am at babysitting, and the child is asleep, and I now go to watch a horror movie.
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