Jun 15, 2007

The Last Post on Pirates (for this week)

Soooooooooo...

The first thing that I will say is that the movie was very, er, long. Also, I could not explain the plot to someone who had not seen the movie, not in a million years. It's one of those live-in-the-moment-do-not-blink-or-you-may-die movies.

The preface to the movie was Jason making googly eyes in my direction and intoning solemnly,
"And when you reach into the popcorn bucket at the same time - and your fingers touch..."
I snorted.
"Popcorn? At $45 for a bucket? Give me a break."

Miss Kristyn drove us there. I asked her if I should sit shotgun, or should get into the back.
"Get into the back," she said, "and Julien will sit there with you. I will be your chauffeur."
He got into the back seat with a questioning look in his eyes. I rolled mine.
"The chauffeur says that we should sit together, this being our first date." He nodded, with the look of one to whom all things are made clear.

MK also coached me firmly that under no circumstances was I to pay for anything.
"If my son takes you out, he takes you out."

As soon as J. and I got into the theater, we breathed out deeply and looked at each other with rather desperate glances.
"You think it's always going to be like this?"
I laughed, one of those sardonic ones.
"With parents like ours? Now come, come, don't be so dismal," I said, hooking my arm through his and batting my eyelashes. "This is, after all, our first date."

As to the movie, well... I'll have to do one of my famous lists.

1) It was full of slimy things
2) They took the biggest things that they could think of - and made them BIGGER (Calypso, the neirid-turned-sea goddess; the pirate meeting; KING of the pirates; KEEPER of the Code)
3) The code looked like somebody's vacation scrapbook.
4) Morgan and Bartholomew both resembled Dumbledore
5) Very impressed by the abstinence of Will and Elizabeth until AFTER they were married; a thing you don't see too often. I will not comment on their marriage's legality, because I'm not sure what the statutes are if the ship's captain who is marrying you has died once before.
6) Beckett's death was the BEST death of a villain, hands-down, that I have ever seen
7) Jack Davenport's death was most sad, though we knew it had to happen. Also, his kissing of Elizabeth shocked Julien thoroughly. He soon came round - the man was going to DIE. Though I must say, Knightly has gone around kissing strange people far too often.
8) LOVED the look on Jack's face when Will died. Perhaps the best part of the movie.
9) Elizabeth is an idiot.
10) Best wedding I've ever seen. When Will asked Elizabeth to marry him, and they have that stop-and-start conversation, J. and I both thought the same thing. I said it:
"They kept putting off and putting off that conversation. Now look what happened."
11) Never quite got the significance of the singing lad. Tra-la-la, and all that.
12) LOVED the eyeball. Absolutely adored the eyeball. Knew about the beads on the kerchief already; knew about the green stone on the string already. Knew, of course, that Tia Dalma was Calypso, though in real life, Calypso is only a neirid, not a goddess.
13) Making Calypso grow and grow could have been done much more imaginatively. Liked the crabs; both rock and otherwise.
14) I did stay all through the credits and saw the bit at the end. I don't know if it was worth seeing all those names - (Bob Wilcox is JOHNNY DEPP'S LIMO DRIVER! MY HERO!) - but it was pretty interesting (she had NOT aged ten years; no WAY)

Afterwards, Julien asked me if I wanted to movie hop and go see another one. I almost kicked him (this is at 10:00 at night, remember).

So we went and found the parental people and sat in the back seat of the car and were chauffeured and held hands and waited to see what Mom would do when she saw us (nothing; like I said, she's been planning our wedding for years), and rolled our eyes goodnight.

That was the end of the First Date.

PS: Speaking of holding hands, that reminds me of a story that I've never told you: on our way home from the Renaissance Faire, this must have been what, November or something, J. and I were holding hands. This was back when we cared what people thought, and when my mom looked back to say something and saw us, she looked like she'd been shot. Her face turned pale and she turned back around. At the time, I was mortified. Now I find it extremely funny. Just thought I'd mention that, because, I don't know, I'm bored and there are no encounter forms to bill people's insurance for....


Oh well, back to work.

1 comment:

-Max said...

What an amusing story that was, and only one of so many on this seemingly abandoned blog.
When I googled the quixotism of youth, never did I expect to stumble upon a blog like yours. Instead, I looked forward to reading some diatribe by a jaundiced old academic, who like me laments the alacrity with which so many of my fellow university students champion hopeless causes and expect everyone else to follow suit. The brand of quixotism embodied in your blog—if quixotism it really is—, however, is of a more refreshing ilk.
Although your poetry and fiction suggest you aspire, or aspired, to fantasy writing, what makes the writing in your blog stand out, I find, is that combination of pleasant raillery and self-effacing remarks that humorists strive for often unsuccessfully but which you pull off so artfully. In fact, many of your accounts of everyday life give off that scent seldom smelt outside the works of the celebrated humorist P.G. Woodhouse. (Even if humor holds little appeal for you as a writer, you ought to read at least a little of Woodhouse, if only to laugh and escape briefly from the struggles of life.)
If you were born in the 1990s, then you are now on the cusp of adulthood. I knew so many girls in high school who wanted so desperately, quixotically perhaps, to grow up to be successful fantasy writers. Those dreams forgotten, they now languish as first or second year university students, pursuing obscure arts degrees they don’t even want. I hope, then, that fate has been kinder to you, in whose work abides more spirit, charm, and wit than is usually seen.